Finances, Fundraising, and other "F" words...

There's not much I don't feel comfortable sharing about my life.  This is true whether I'm talking about adoption, fertility or even which breast pump I used nursing my boys.  See?  I'm just kind of a shameless open book.

So when I blog about money, please know that I'm not embarrassed by it, and I don't want you to be either!!  There are a LOT of questions surrounding adoption that have to do with money.

FINANCES

I'd venture to guess that the #1 reason most people who have considered adoption decide against it is...

$$$ Adoption is Expensive $$$

So why is it so expensive?  Where is all that money going, really?!  Isn't buying a baby illegal?

Here's a concise list of what you're paying for in a Domestic Infant Adoption (which is the type of adoption we've chosen for ourselves- if you want to read more about that come here.):

1)  Home Study  

We're in this process now, and let me tell you, our social worker does not get paid enough to deal with all the millions of questions I have asked her!!!  Within the home study timeframe, a potential adoptive family must also provide and pay for:
-Background checks/fingerprinting (Because they want to make sure we're legal a safe family for this precious new baby to come live with.)
-Mandatory reading (Yes, you can find books at the library, but you can't mark them up and use them for reference in the future if they're library books!  They frown on that.)
-Birth certificates for everyone in the home/marriage license (Unless you're smart enough to keep extra certified copies of this stuff.)
-Pet innoculations (Poor Button has to get a rabies shot to be up to date.  Sam has insisted on volunteered to hold him during this exciting adventure, which we politely declined.)

Sam and Button

-Profile books (Just like my annual photo books for the family, which you all know I just LOVE making, only bigger and hardcovered and much, much more important!  Times 6.  This is the book that our birthmother will look at when she decides she wants to meet us.  No pressure.)
-Medical testing (Yup, that's right, my urine drug test came out clean- you can all breathe a collective sigh of relief!)

2) Matching  

The next phase of this process is the "matching" process.  For us the match fee is due once we're home study approved.  Like, next month.  (See: Fundraising, below!)

This is the part that can take a LOOOOONG time.  During this time, the money we've paid the agency is used for the prospective birth mother.  The adoption agency coordinates counseling for potential birth moms, and provides funds to her for living expenses or medical expenses, depending on her circumstance.  The reasoning being that, if all that is standing between a woman keeping her child and placing her child is temporary homelessness, and our agency funds can rectify that, she should be keeping her child!!!  Through counseling, social workers determine if placing her child for adoption is something that the birth parents are certain that they want to do.

Once a potential birth mother is identified, they are "in the system" so to speak.  Their social worker will bring them adoptive parent profiles to look at.  If they find one they like, birth mom and prenatal history forms are collected and given to the prospective adoptive parents to review.  If everyone wants to go further, a meeting is set up at the agency.  If all goes well at the meeting, an agreement of sorts is formed, and a "match" is made!

Then I guess everyone just sits around waiting for a baby to be born while they're fundraising.  Can you tell this is the part where I'm not sure on the details? I will learn more as I go!!!

3) Placement  

Once baby is born, the birth mother can relinquish her parental rights.  By law, a birth mother cannot relinquish until after the baby is born, and then she has a certain number of days to revoke that (depending on the state) so no Adoption Agreement can be entered into until after that time expires. Again, the agency is there with the social workers to draft the paperwork and get it all approved in Court if necessary.

It's at that point (after birth; before relinquishment) that some women change their minds.  (Some birth fathers change their minds too.)  That's ok.  It's tough, but having had children of my own, I get it.  That's why it's SO IMPORTANT to have great social workers that have counseled the heck out of the birth momma ahead of time so she knows what to expect, and is ready to make this tough decision.

The sucky part??  If the adoption fails at this point, you lose the match fee. And the baby.

(big sad face)

If everything goes as planned, we get to bring the baby home.  At this time, we pay a "placement fee," which is the largest chunk so far.  Technically (again, still not 100% sure on the legalities here) I believe the agency has legal custody at this point.

4) Finalization/Post-Placement

Because we don't have custody, the agency has to do what is called a "post-placement" study.  The social worker comes out and watches us parent the baby and makes sure everything is copacetic in the home.  Then they can tell the state that we're doing well and legal custody should be transferred to us.

There is always the possibility that the birth mom (or dad) could appeal their relinquishment.  From what I can tell, this hardly ever happens.

In the meantime, the lawyers ($$$) are dealing with papers and stuff (potentially from different states) and making sure all our ducks are in a row for our finalization hearing.  This happens about 6 months after placement.  It's a big deal.  There WILL be a party!

Now that you know where the money goes, I hope you understand that buying a baby is DEFINITELY illegal, and that's not what adoption is about!  

FUNDRAISING

All of the above can add up to almost $50,000 but we anticipate our adoption costing approximately $35,000.  Not everyone has $35,000 just lying around.  Even if you had it saved up, it would probably be earmarked for another purpose!  We've been blessed with "just enough" for so long, we have become masters of living within our means.  We are comfortable, but we budget our income.  We re-use and share with friends.  We don't spend extravagantly.  We don't even have cable!  

GASP!

But our path led us here, and so now we are looking for ways to save even more (even less eating out), earn more (taking second jobs), and raise funds in ways that are within our various areas of expertise.  Some ideas we are solidifying are...

• Yard Sale on October 15th (Go to our Yard Sale Facebook Event for more info), 
• T-shirts (they're going to be awesome and created by One-Off Apparel and The Definition of Nyce!), 
• Family photo-thon, 
• Superbowl "party,"
• Silent Auction.

For those who wish to give monetarily, feel free to contribute securely at www.youcaring.com/owensadoption.

We know that no single method of fundraising is going to get us to where we need to be, so we're prepared to be a little obnoxious proactive about it!  And we're reminded that every little bit helps.

FINALLY!

  The boys and I have been taking cans and bottles to the redemption center and emptying the results into our adoption jar in the kitchen.  It's cool to watch it grow, and remind them that every penny is getting us closer to a baby.

Our adoption jar.

One of the coolest ways that God has worked in our family to help us fund-raise so far was the other day, when Noah voluntarily decided to empty his "Nerf" savings into the adoption jar.  When I told him he didn't need to give his $21.36 he insisted, stating

"I want a baby soon, mom."  

It broke my heart that our little boy wants this as much as we do.  It was truly an example of the heart of giving, and it was inspirational to me as we start out on this journey.